Conscious- in order to get conscious we first need to realize we operate most of the time in an unconscious state. Think about your life; how many times have you been on autopilot when driving to the store, "listening" to a co-worker, or performing the duties of your job? You are not really present in the moment, you are doing the right things you just aren't present with the experience. Worse still is how many of our reactions are set to autopilot? You hear someone's voice, or a tone of voice and you immediately go into a pre-set reaction pattern.
Discipline - is a word we tend to associate with punishment. However it also refers to the assertion over more base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with self control. As an example "He is so disciplined he goes for a run every day." So Conscious Discipline is regaining our awareness so that we can take control of ourselves. The Conscious Discipline program was created by Becky Bailey and it is to help adults regain control of themselves so that they can in turn give children the gift of self-regulation and self-confidence.
The more I took in, the more I realized that these skills and models are not just useful in schools or in childcare centers but in workplaces, which sometimes resemble childcare centers!
In our last session we looked at conflict and the brain state model.
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| Conscious Discipline Brain State Model |
The first brain state is Survival- This is the brain state we go into when we feel threatened or unsafe.
The next is Emotional- This is the state we get into when life is not going our way.
Finally the Executive State is where we see challenges as problems to solve and where learning takes place.
Since I work in HR and in Learning I can see clearly how this model applies to conflict at work.
Let's use a pretty typical event at work, Jordan feels threatened by Steve. Feeling threatened is almost always about identity in adults, and therefore Jordan acts out in some way to reclaim his identity. So Jordan is in his survival brain, not interested in feelings or problem solving.
Now Steve is Jordan's supervisor and he could be in three different brain states:
If Steve is in his emotional brain he will take this issue personally. When we take things personally we let our inner voice run rampant in our head. We attribute past issues and hurts to this event and see it as an ongoing chain of events deliberately directed at us. This is what it would sound like in Steve's head. "That ungrateful ^#$@* if he only knew how lucky he was! I could've hired someone else, but no, I picked him and this is the thanks I get! I don't get paid enough to deal with this BS! Because really on top of everything else I have to go deal with this? They want me to supervise 15 guys when the Jake only has 10? Must be nice! Well if that's what they wants that's what they'll get!...." You'll notice this is really not even about Jordan's actions anymore. Steve is just winding himself up with all the injustices he sees that have been heaped upon him. He is therefore going to do what he can to stop Jordan from upsetting his sense of well being. The reaction is going to be disproportionate because unbeknownst to Jordan, Steve is now coming at him with two years worth of anger and frustration over events that Jordan is not a part of. Steve will vent, feel better momentarily and then wonder why he doesn't feel any less stress, now that this problem is "solved".
Now if Steve has taken a deep breath he will have realized that this event is not about him. He sees that Jordan is lacking a skill and as his supervisor it is his job to help Jordan acquire the missing skill. Steve might seek out the cause of Jordan's issue, he might clarify what happened to separate it from what he felt about it, and/or he could seek out resources to assist Jordan. This does not mean that he doesn't set expectations but he means he looks at actions as driven by a positive intent not a personal intent.
Think about the last two or three problems you encountered. What state were you in? What state was the other person in? Do you have a running commentary going on in your brain about particular people or situations?
For me here it is the bus drivers. I am always halfway between survival state and emotional state when I am on the bus. Whenever we almost hit something/one I am thrown into survival and once the danger passes I go into an internal monologue about how crazy, dangerous, disrespectful the drivers are. I try to get out of these mindsets by riding a bus with a friend. Talking with someone I like allows me to focus my mind on them and not the bus. It doesn't always work, last week I grabbed hold of Brother Saul for dear life on the bus, which he laughed off and then we continued our conversation about cricket and the time passed quickly.
I will try to find some time to blog about how you can move yourself and help others to get into the executive state in the next few weeks. But for now see if you can practice being more conscious in your day to day life.
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