Planning to come home

We are down to a month left in Grenada. We will be boarding a plane June 30th, and as our time draws near a close there is lots to think about.

Selling off assets

We really only have two here, our CRV and our living room furniture.

The CRV: If it had been just me, I would have taken buses. However with the whole family we needed a way to get everyone to the beach, grocery stores and hashes. We have been able to sell it losing about $3,000 Canadian but if you think of it in terms of $3,000 for transportation costs for almost a year, that isn't too bad.

Back to the wee furniture

The living room set- When I got sick with Chickungunya everything hurt. Our furnished apartment had little Hobbit furniture in which everyone including Owen looked like a giant. But apart from it's stature it was scratchy and itchy. We had toyed with the idea of buying furniture but it is as expensive as back home and we really didn't have that kind of money. Then one day we saw a tent sale at Courts and were able to get our set for half price. SOLD. And now we've sold it for $100 XCD less than we paid. So about $5 Canadian a month we had comfort, definitely worth it.

Today we lost our furniture and by Monday the car will be gone too. While we are really happy not to have to worry about recouping our losses, we were definitely hoping they would have taken just a little longer to sell. This weekend we will try to get in everything we have missed. But we realize there will be missed opportunities because buses don't go everywhere we would want to go.

Mentally getting ready

Selling stuff and planning who to give what to when we leave is easy. Getting your head on task and away from back home is hard. Facebook does not make this easier. I call the pictures of yummy food, "food porn". Cakes, sandwiches, salads and BBQ that we can't make here for a variety of reasons has me longing for a Whopper, Boston Cream doughnut and Rosie's pizza!

Things like my bathtub seem so close, yet impossibly far away at the same time. (Owen and I are in a battle for first soak- my plan is to send him to Ama's!!) The boys are planning what games they want to buy and I keep reminding them we are broke, it will take us about 2 years to repay the debt we incurred coming to Grenada.

And as I think about all the yummy foods, comfy sofas, huge car with wide roads, I also feel really guilty because there are people here (in fact all people here) who deserve the material things that I have gained. They work as hard as I do, care for their families as much as I do, but because I happen to be born in Canada my opportunities are exponentially greater than theirs.

Not that I think everyone should aspire to a Canadian lifestyle but it shouldn't be so hard either. Problems we have faced and tackled as a country- domestic violence, children's rights, equal pay for work of equal value, and living wages  have raised the status of women to a place where we can leave abusive relationships and have a place to go. Things are not so simple here, not that those issues are simple in Canada either, but women, social workers, teachers, police officers have choices and resources.

That is what I wish my friends, neighbours colleagues had- choices and resources.

I am glad I have experienced, even for a little while, what people in developing countries face. It makes me a better Canadian and a better global citizen... even if I am craving rhubarb pie!

Driving Rules in Grenada

It is more than just driving on the left that makes Grenada different than back home. These are the rules of the road as I have come to understand them.

1. Dogs have the right of way- get used to it. Grenadian drivers will slow and stop for stray dogs in the road. They will beep, yell and cajole the dogs, but they will not hit them. The dogs could care less about the traffic; many lying by the road not even bothering to pretend they might move. If you drive quickly thinking the dog will move-- you will probably be wrong.

Goats and sheep also have the right of way but are way smarter than the dogs and almost always get out of your way.

Pedestrians never have the right of way. The courtesy extended to dogs does not extend to humans.

2. Drinking and Driving is accepted. It is not uncommon to see people stop in for a drink or two mid-day and then head off in their vehicle. In the evening things get more dicey as one or two turn into 3, 4, and so on. At any given time (like in Canada) you will be on the roads with impaired drivers. Be very alert to this danger.

Also driving and texting or talking on a phone is common- but I believe the police have the discretion to charge individuals who are driving in a dangerous fashion. Many Grenadians would like to see both changed to be prohibited but at present both seem to be permitted (at least tacitly).

3. Beeping is communication. It is very wise to beep (short blast) when going around blind corners. Drivers here like to drive in the middle of the road, even if it is a blind corner. So beeping gives everyone a heads up that they need to get back in their lane.

Grenadian drivers will beep a couple short blasts when they see someone they know (which happens a lot). Bus drivers constantly beep to see if a pedestrian wants a ride.

People in Grenada tolerate a lot of driving behaviours that would cause road rage in Canada. Generally beeping is never done in an aggressive manner.

4. Buses don't just go forward! It is extremely likely that the bus in front of you will back up in an attempt to pick up a passenger. Do not expect the passenger to run to catch the bus, they will be waiting for it to back up for them. When my bus is backing up I amuse myself with thinking what would happen if  a TTC or OC Transport bus tried backing up on say Spadina or Bank Street!

5. Be prepared to stop. Even in the most dangerous of places. People like to buy things from vendors or chat with friends at the side of the road.

We are guilty too, Brent loved the drive-thru jenup place where you could pull off, hand over five dollars and get your fruit to go!

6. Learn how to play car Jenga. The roads, in my humble opinion, are barely wide enough for one car, so when people park outside their homes or businesses, you truly are down to one lane. Moving forward will mean moving in and out between parked cars as drivers try to move ahead in the spaces provided. In theory if the car is parked on your side of travel, you should give way. In reality it is the most aggressive driver who gets through. Again people will back up to get unstuck, be prepared.

7. Learn how to use your mirrors. A good vehicle here has mirrors that automatically tuck in at the press of a button. You need this because often the amount of space you have can be measured in inches. My joke is if a chicken can fit between the two cars a Grenadian will tell you there is LOTS of room.

There is absolutely no need for the passenger mirror, these are only useful on multilane highways when you are passing vehicles, which is not going to happen here. Tuck the mirror in.

8. Hand signals rule. My drivers ed teacher would have a heart attack here. Both hands on the wheel was his motto. I have seen enough drivers lessons (they mark the car with a big L for learner) to know that they actually teach hand signals when learning to drive.

So if a driver motions you in a move that looks like they are flapping  invisible wings means either- slow down or something is coming in the other direction so you better not try to pass.

A motion that looks like they are motioning you to come here means you can pass. 

Interestingly, I have never seen anyone use obscene hand gestures while driving.

9. The kindness of strangers. Random people waiting for buses will giving you similar hand signals to try to disentangle traffic or prevent accidents. Use them, they really are trying to help you.

10. Speed bumps are always better on the other side. For some bizarre reason drivers seem to believe that the speed bump on the other side of the road will be smoother than the one on their side. It is extremely common to be met coming toward a speed bump by a vehicle in your lane-- for no apparent reason.

11. Passing on a speed bump. Speed bumps present an excellent opportunity to pass vehicles. You will definitely encounter buses passing each other on speed bumps- you will be expected to make way for them. I have seen vehicles four abreast in all kinds of wrong sided, right sided, passing, going around speed bumps.

Pay very close attention at speed bumps you can never really know who is going where.

12. Round-abouts. Not very popular in North America, extremely popular in Grenada. People really do respect the rules of the road when it comes to round-abouts, the person in the round about has the right of way.

Where it becomes tricky is pedestrians trying to cross. Just be aware that while you might have the right of way, the pedestrians need to cross too.

Note three tires in the middle of an intersection does constitute a round-about and needs to be respected.

13. Stop if you have to. If traffic seems too close or you are unsure about what is happening, stop. The other vehicle(s) will go around you. They probably know he road better than you and if they are confident that there is room, let them prove it. You do not need to keep moving forward if you think it is unsafe. Sometimes you will feel pressure from a bus... these are the same buses that will stop for five minutes to wait for their favourite customer who is running late (usually an attractive young lady)... Let them stew, they'll live and more importantly so will you!

Go Ahead be a Dick

Dick is the custodian for our building (which has four apartments) and the owner's home which he lives beneath. He also happens to be one of the best people I have met in Grenada. He could teach us all a thing or two.

Like many of his generation he grew up with the Rasta culture and has kept parts of this culture close to him.

Dick & Brent

People as equals- One of things he has kept is seeing all people as connected. So I am "my sister" and Brent is "my brother". Dick will often start by saying "My brother..." By starting a conversation this way, he positions us as strongly connected, related to each other. In Rasta culture this is taken one step further by saying "I and I" instead of "you and me". In this sense there is no separation between the two people, they are one before Jah (God).

Around the island sometimes Brent will be called "boss" which is a remnant from the colonial era where whites were slave owners/traders and held positions of power. It is the exact opposite of the concept of brother/sister. It literally sets one person up above another. We both cringe when we hear this. When people say this they are never saying it in a derogatory way, it is just the first thing that comes to mind when seeing a white man you don't know.

Respect- So a typical greeting from Dick will be "My Brother! Respect, respect." The proper response to this is "Respect". When I am facilitating leadership courses we will often discuss what our intentions are in our interactions. By starting this way Dick is laying out his intentions in our conversation. The response then lays out my intent. The word respect will permeate through the entire conversation and always ends it.

In North American culture we often talk about earning respect. I find here it is freely given, even if it is undue, it is not withheld. I read something yesterday that said "Their karma is how they treat you, your karma is how you treat them." In this way Dick always has good karma or good energy around him.

Peace and Love- Another phrase that Dick will use when greeting us is Peace and Love. I have another friend whose closing instead of "sincerely" is "1Love". I remember thinking, no one talks like this! But people do! They wish each other peace and love, they offer each other peace and love.

What if? Imagine what a different world it would be if we started our interactions with respect and laying out our intentions so that there is no confusion or hidden agendas.

What if we believe that we were talking to equals and not talking down to someone or needing to use positional power to feel heard?

Lastly what if we went into those interactions with a desire to promote peace and love? Too often we go into interactions to win. But when there is a winner, there is a loser and that person carries that loss with them. Too often people protect themselves from others instead of opening themselves up.

So go ahead be a Dick. Spread peace and love, communicate openly and lead with positive intention.

While this is a silly version of this notion, it makes me smile every time!

Respect man! 

From Unconscious to Concsious

For the past 8 weeks I have been taking a course with Brent at SGU on Conscious Discipline.

Conscious- in order to get conscious we first need to realize we operate most of the time in an unconscious state. Think about your life; how many times have you been on autopilot when driving to the store,   "listening" to a co-worker, or performing the duties of your job? You are not really present in the moment, you are doing the right things you just aren't present with the experience. Worse still is how many of our reactions are set to autopilot? You hear someone's voice, or a tone of voice and you immediately go into a pre-set reaction pattern.

Discipline - is a word we tend to associate with punishment. However it also refers to the assertion over more base desires, and is usually understood to be synonymous with self control. As an example "He is so disciplined he goes for a run every day." So Conscious Discipline is regaining our awareness so that we can take control of ourselves. The Conscious Discipline program was created by Becky Bailey and it is to help adults regain control of themselves so that they can in turn give children the gift of self-regulation and self-confidence.

The more I took in, the more I realized that these skills and models are not just useful in schools or in childcare centers but in workplaces, which sometimes resemble childcare centers!

In our last session we looked at conflict and the brain state model.

Conscious Discipline Brain State Model

The first brain state is Survival- This is the brain state we go into when we feel threatened or unsafe.

The next is Emotional- This is the state we get into when life is not going our way.

Finally the Executive State is where we see challenges as problems to solve and where learning takes place.

Since I work in HR and in Learning I can see clearly how this model applies to conflict at work.

Let's use a pretty typical event at work, Jordan feels threatened by Steve. Feeling threatened is almost always about identity in adults, and therefore Jordan acts out in some way to reclaim his identity. So Jordan is in his survival brain, not interested in feelings or problem solving.

Now Steve is Jordan's supervisor and he could be in three different brain states:

Where Steve's brain state is has a huge impact on how this issue gets "resolved". If this event pushes Steve into a survival state then it is going to be a win lose/battle.  Steve will restore his sense of power at the expense of Jordan who will be pushed even further into the survival state. The problem will be "solved" but it will still simmer in Jordan.

If Steve is in his emotional brain he will take this issue personally. When we take things personally we let our inner voice run rampant in our head. We attribute past issues and hurts to this event and see it as an ongoing chain of events deliberately directed at us. This is what it would sound like in Steve's head. "That ungrateful ^#$@* if he only knew how lucky he was! I could've hired someone else, but no, I picked him and this is the thanks I get! I don't get paid enough to deal with this BS! Because really on top of everything else I have to go deal with this? They want me to supervise 15 guys when the Jake only has 10? Must be nice! Well if that's what they wants that's what they'll get!...."  You'll notice this is really not even about Jordan's actions anymore. Steve is just winding himself up with all the injustices he sees that have been heaped upon him. He is therefore going to do what he can to stop Jordan from upsetting his sense of well being. The reaction is going to be disproportionate because unbeknownst to Jordan, Steve is now coming at him with two years worth of anger and frustration over events that Jordan is not a part of. Steve will vent, feel better momentarily and then wonder why he doesn't feel any less stress, now that this problem is "solved".

Now if Steve has taken a deep breath he will have realized that this event is not about him. He sees that Jordan is lacking a skill and as his supervisor it is his job to help Jordan acquire the missing skill. Steve might seek out the cause of Jordan's issue, he might clarify what happened to separate it from what he felt about it, and/or he could seek out resources to assist Jordan. This does not mean that he doesn't set expectations but he means he looks at actions as driven by a positive intent not a personal intent.

Think about the last two or three problems you encountered. What state were you in? What state was the other person in? Do you have a running commentary going on in your brain about particular people or situations?

For me here it is the bus drivers. I am always halfway between survival state and emotional state when I am on the bus. Whenever we almost hit something/one I am thrown into survival and once the danger passes I go into an internal monologue about how crazy, dangerous, disrespectful the drivers are. I try to get out of these mindsets by riding a bus with a friend. Talking with someone I like allows me to focus my mind on them and not the bus. It doesn't always work, last week I grabbed hold of Brother Saul for dear life on the bus, which he laughed off and then we continued our conversation about cricket and the time passed quickly.

I will try to find some time to blog about how you can move yourself and help others to get into the executive state in the next few weeks. But for now see if you can practice being more conscious in your day to day life.

Mt Carmel

Mt. Carmel is the sight of Grenada's largest waterfall. I am absolutely kicking myself for not having gone sooner.

From the main road it is a really easy walk in and so pretty. You do not need a guide at all, the walk is about 10 minutes. We used a guide because we didn't know and because we had a vehicle with us and $40 XCD seemed like a good insurance policy. 

There are two sets of falls the farthest in are the highest. You can walk under them . Just be careful, obviously, the water flow changes all the time. At times the pressure was very intense.

The lower falls you can slide down and into a warm pool of water. The slides you want are on the right hand side. Be brave, you will be glad you did.

Definitely a highlight of our time here.

 

Labour Day- Grenada

There is an incredible irony that 1 May is Labour Day in Grenada. It was on May 1st 1857 that the first ship carrying indentured labourers from India arrived on the island on a ship called the Maidstone.

What Grenada looks like by sea

There were 300 Indians abroad and the number of indentured Indian labourers would rise to 3,000 over the next two years. Only 1 in five returned to India after their contract ended.

We like to think the slave trade is behind us, indentured labour a relic of the past, however nothing could be further from the truth. Human trafficking is alive and well, all over the world.

Just two weeks ago a group of Nepalese students arrived in Grenada after having been duped into coming to St. Lucia to study. These young people have been lucky and have found assistance under UN policies to help repatriate victims of human trafficking.

However thousands of others are not so lucky, being forced into prostitution, the drug trade, and labour camps. Hopefully we take Labour Day as a time to reflect on our past and how we can work to a better future.