You don't know what you don't know

When I was in Canada working as a Learning Advisor I was always advocating new course concepts. The usual reply I would get back was "Sara no one is asking for this!" My argument was always the same -- you don't know to ask for what you don't know exists.

I will use an example Owen would love. No one in Grenada knows what poutine is so no one thinks that they might like French fries, gravy and cheese. Once you introduce something new people can decide for themselves if it is what they want or need.

In the same way I saw this all the time in our leadership training, I see it in the educational system here. You don't know what you don't know. This week Aiden came home upset because his favourite teacher had hit a child with a belt- numerous times. The child had hit a girl and the teacher wanted to correct this. So what does that teacher do? He pulls out the only discipline tool that he has and uses it. He doesn't know that there are other ways to correct students behaviour, he has never been exposed to it and therefore he doing what he knows.

Of course in Canada if you hit a child today with a belt you would be arrested and lose your job. But we need to remember that it was within my lifetime (the last 30 years) where teachers hit students to "correct" them. In fact my best friend from public school vividly remembers being asked a math question with the teacher holding my pony tail and a pair of scissors. If she got it wrong he was going to cut my hair. She later (when we were adults) told me how terrified she was to get the answer wrong and it created a sense of terror for her in working in mathematics. So it wasn't so long ago that we  too were subjecting children to environments where they didn't feel safe and therefore couldn't learn.

I have always loved Maya Angelou's quote “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” So many of the challenges that face Grenada fall into the doing the best they can category, but with no one coming along to help them do better. I really believe in Cuso's approach to sending people not things or money because it is the exposure to new ideas that helps people move into a doing better mode.

Right now there is a program operating in Grenada called Conscious Discipline which is aimed at exactly this issue. Until you give people new tools for working with children they are going to use the old tools. What I really like about this program is that works on the adults first- because really if we aren't in control of our emotions, how do we expect children to be in control of theirs? Last week  they showed this amazing video of a mom interacting with her infant and how they mirror each other emotions. This dramatic real example of how, what I am doing impacts your inner state of being should be a wake-up call to all of us.

Apart from showing us that we are going to have a big emotional impact on those we come in contact with, it also should highlight for us that when someone comes at us in "a mood" they are going to change our inner state. Our challenge becomes how to maintain our composure when someone is pushing our buttons.

I am reading a quirky book called "Fitting In Is Overrated".  The author had an interesting suggestion for when your micromanaging, egomaniac, emotionally devoid manager/co-worker/parent/sibling/friend comes at you. He suggests taking a deep breath (always a good idea) and imagining this is a real time simulation in the Masters level course you are taking in being gracious under pressure. Clearly as a Learning Advisor this appeals to me. The reality is you will never change these people, but you can choose to learn from your interactions with them.

Another suggestion he had was to imagine the things they say all the time to make you feel less. Then when they do use that phrase you will see it less as an affront to you but more of an victory for you. I knew s/he would go there.... oh and look they just did. I have one person in my life who is constantly "surprised". Their "surprise" used to get me really angry, mainly because it is passive aggressive and dishonest, but now I see it as an expected outcome that can be predicted so I am never "surprised".

I also realize that people who are trying to make you feel small, whether that be a teacher who uses angry tirades or a co-worker who ignores you or whoever, have serious issues with their own self esteem. Your job is not to let them drag your self esteem down to their level.

Buy the soap

Vendors outside the cruise ship mall

Every year hundreds of thousands of tourists visit Grenada for a vacation. These vacations range from ultra luxurious like Sandal's, quick visits on a cruise ship, to homestays around the island. Each week I inevitably get caught up  with some of these tourists coming off from the cruise ships as I walk to meet Brent after work. I get the calls to come over to look at the vendors wears, until they realize it is me and then I just get a little wave. But it is hard to get the attention of the tourists so I understand why anyone who is white gets asked to look.

Tourism is supposed to be a major economic driver and it is if you own a hotel, boat tour company or an air conditioned store. But what I hear from street vendors is that the tourists just don't spend money. The visitors want to see the spice market but they don't want to buy from it. It is so discouraging because whether someone buys allspice or cinnamon that day means the difference between having rice or meat on the table for a family.

Spice Market (outdoor)

The outdoor vendors at the market will arrive at between 2-4 a.m. to set up their tables, fruits, vegetables and homemade soaps and sauces. They will pack up by 5:00 p.m. and take a long ride back home, getting in between 6:00 and 7:00 p.m. Indoor vendors fair a little better because they can lock their stalls and don't have to bring their supplies every day. But they would still be at the market by 6:00 a.m. getting ready for the day. That means you have a minimum 12 hour day every day but Sunday.

When you travel to a foreign country that is economically depressed, please think about budgeting into your trip $50-$100 for souvenirs to give away as Christmas gifts. Realistically you just spent a minimum of $800 on the trip, adding $50 isn't too much for you but it is a lot of money for the nationals of the country you are visiting.

If you want to buy something "authentic" I recommend the following: buy the hand made soaps! You know that it was made locally, you can always import it and you know you are supporting the local economy not some giant nameless company. So what if the soap costs $5 and you could get one back home for $3? When you are at home shop for best value for money but when you are in an impoverished country this doesn't make any sense. The point is when you buy their soap you are directly contributing to someone's livelihood and giving back a little bit to the country that is hosting you.

Other authentic gifts in Grenada are:

• Spice necklaces which are air fresheners
• Spices from vendors
• Giant cinnamon sticks
• Calabash bowls
• Nutmed (a locally produced remedy for aches and pains)
• Grenadian chocolate

Making soap at Arawak Islands

If at all possible buy a trinket or a juice from a child. You can bet that a child would rather be playing, the fact they are helping their mom or dad at the market or the beach says the family can't afford the luxury of having the children playing. Your purchase of a juice means they will get home sooner so they can be a kid.

I have definitely been the person who was oblivious to the world around me on vacation. It is way nicer to drink Margaritas by the pool and bask in the heat than be confronted with poverty.  But it is out there, just beyond the gate and you can help ease it on an individual basis.

Buy the soap.

Homesick

Last night Owen and I had a heart to heart. He is homesick. He misses his room, his penguins, his Nerf guns. He misses his old school, Goodwin learning Centre, and he misses his extended family. He was really hoping we would be going home in less than 30 days not over 100.

Owen getting what he wants- a G burger

As a mom it is really hard to know that your child is unhappy. Your first instinct is to fix it- well my first instinct is, some people would cuddle and comfort, but I go into problem solving mode. Maybe I could buy him a ticket and send him home with his aunt Ceilidh; he could stay with my mom until we got back....

But the reality is in life is that you don't always get to do or be where you want. When I went to university I did not get into my first choice of university, but I still went. It wasn't where I wanted to be or studying what I wanted to, but I knew I had to go. When I took my first job out of college it was not what I wanted to be doing but I knew it was a stepping stone. Our first house was a teeny tiny little place where you had to duck to get into bed because the ceiling was so low. Definitely not what we wanted, but what we could afford.

Learning is something that needs to be processed and then consolidated into your worldview. This is pretty hard to do when you are ten going on eleven. Even adults don't always learn from their experiences. Some people just float through life never getting much past the adolescent development stage. Some families allow their children to stay in these childlike stages by coddling them through their 20's, housing them through their 30's and then wondering why they have a child(ren) who is so dependent. As humans we have to experience failure, loss, disappointment, because we need to build the skills to regroup, reframe and readjust to what is. Shielding people from life’s disappointments may seem kind but in reality we are stunting their growth.



At the Port yesterday

Life is full of hard lessons. You may have to work at McDonald's with a degree, you may have to live in a basement apartment because that is what you can afford, you might not be able to buy the flat screen TV because you don't have the money. However by experiencing lack you build  resilience and create strategies to get what you want based on your own skills not on people bailing you out.

The other hard part about learning is that it can take a very long time to interpret and apply what you learned from an experience. Right now Owen can't see what he is learning because he is too close to it. In adult learning we talk about reflection on action and reflection in action. One happens in the future and one happens in the moment. It is much easier to look at the past and learn from it than to be mindfully drawing your attention to what you are learning in the moment.  I am confident that Owen will be able to reflect back on this time and see how strong he was, how he adapted to a new school, to being different and to going without and learn from it. It just is not going to happen today or tomorrow, it may not even happen this year. But as we help Owen work through this learning experience he will find the lessons.


Owen embracing what is

The other reason Owen is having a hard time is because Owen’s emotional compass is pointed towards home.

In Buddhism the notion of being fully present (mindful) in the moment is very important. You can’t really experience a rainbow if you are thinking about what you need to do next. I have noticed this in taking photos. I am so busy trying to get a great shot I am not really experiencing what I am seeing. Owen is having a hard time appreciating Grenada because his heart and his thoughts are somewhere else.

My job is not to give in and send him home, which makes everyone happy but which teaches a dangerous lesson. It is instead to help him develop the skills to be fully present in the beauty of the moment he is in… not the moment he wishes he was in.

Even with this realization of what I need to do, it doesn’t make it any less hard on my heart knowing that he is homesick. There is no Band-Aid for a heart longing for home.

What's in your pocket

I have been in Grenada six months now and while it isn't home I catch myself saying "we" and "us" when referring to social problems or NEWLO activities rather than "they or "their".

I am also starting to feel more confident about fitting in with the staff at NEWLO. Don't get me wrong they have always embraced me, but now I feel like we know each other and I can ask for what I want. One of those things is to start doing small icebreakers with the staff to help them find energizers that they can use in the classroom.

I have started compiling a list of all kinds of icebreakers to help create a training tool box. In my perfect world when I get back home in July I will put together a real toolbox for each department with resources they can use in their classes- like a tennis ball for tossing ideas around, a deck of cards to divide students, a ball of sting for spider web activities. But for now experiential learning will have to suffice.

One great icebreaker is "what is in your pockets". The idea is that what you carry with you says a lot about you, or your mental/spiritual state. So I thought I would share what is in my pocket...

First, nothing I wear to NEWLO has pockets. Also I never bring a purse- you do not want to manage two bags on a Grenadian bus unless you have had years of practice. I do always bring a big ugly grey laptop bag.

So obviously my laptop. It is so important to me right now. All my work for NEWLO is on it and while I do have it backed up, if I lost the laptop it would be catastrophic.

Next a bright pink umbrella. My drive to NEWLO takes somewhere between 30-40 minutes. (I would strongly prefer that it take 45 but no one will drive at such a reasonable pace.) On that trip I will go through bright sunny spots, downpours, grey clouds and rainbows. All this to say you absolutely never know what the weather will be. Many times we have been at Grand Anse and looked over to see it raining in Tempe, Belmont and the Carenage while we enjoy blue sky and sunshine. So I always have an umbrella even though it adds extra weight.

I always have my cellphone- words I never thought I would utter. Here a cellphone is a life line. I use it everyday and often. Happily the boys do not have them, and least I have held firm on that.

The other thing I always have is a lipstick. My mother has instilled in me that I shall not leave the house without lipstick on. Here in Grenada it is the only makeup that would stay on, there is no point in applying anything else except sunscreen.

The last thing is my one litre water bottle, although Brother Saul, Ms. Collins and Mrs. Joseph would tell you I am also really good at forgetting my water bottle in the staff room too!

When I first got here the list would have included bug spray, hand sanitizer, Motrin, my camera (not sure what excitement I was going to capture), a handkerchief, pens, and paper. But now I travel a lot lighter.  And I feel a lot lighter.

So the purpose of the activity is to reflect on why these things are important to you to carry them everywhere. My work is very important to me, doing a good job for the teachers at NEWLO will make their lives easier and if I can make any load lighter I want to. My cell is mainly to know what is happening with my family- a definite priority. Water is probably the most important thing I carry, without it would pass out before noon. The last two represent  my need to be prepared and the strong influence my mom has in my life!

There you have it, me in a backpack. I wonder what is in your pocket or purse, and is it important to you? .