Turning 40

As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery.
We have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace.
The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as
anger and attachment, fear and suspicion,
while love and compassion, a sense of universal responsibility
are the sources of peace and happiness.

Dali Lama

I have been wanting to turn forty since I turned 25! So I had been waiting for a long time to get here.

Sign across the street- is has been there since we arrived but still fun!

For me I have always equated age with respect and knowledge. People don't take you seriously when you are in your 20s unless you are incredibly brilliant, and even then I think it is more a curiosity than respect. The darn Gen Ys have made thirty seem like twenty so forty is definitely where it is at.

I also knew I wanted to do some meaningful work before I turned forty. I have enjoyed all my jobs, but at the end of the day that is what they are. I always give anything I do my best, but I rarely feel that those I am working for or with particularly care. It is a small cog in a giant, slowly turning wheel syndrome. So working for Cuso with NEWLO has given me the opportunity to do something meaningful where the wheel is turning fast and I need to hustle to keep up.

Work however is only one component of your life, sadly for a great many it becomes the focus rather than the means to pursue fulfillment. For me my greatest contentment is my family. Loving a partner and learning to balance your needs and wants with someone else's teaches you patience, understanding and humility. The deepest love is really reserved for your children though, they are a part of you and your sense of responsibility to teach them well is both a gift and a burden.

I recently read a great article in a Catholic journal that reinterpreted "spare the rod- spoil the child". In the Bible those who used rods were shepherds. Their rods were not used for beating their flock but by gentling guiding and redirecting their flock when they went down the wrong path. So sparing the rod meant not providing guidance and direction, letting your children do as they wished. In the past I would never have applied this phrase to my parenting style but in this context I think it is exactly how the boys have been raised.

Looking at how well they are doing here in Grenada I know that our decision not to spank and to help guide and redirect them with words has produced young men who are able to adapt without needing threats of force to help them do the right thing. In contrast in the Caribbean "beating" (the word they use for spanking) is accepted and I find that children, teens and to some extent adults are constantly hitting each other- because it is what their parents have taught them. They learned that when you get hit you defer to what the person hitting wants. I see it everyday, both boys and girls. It isn't healthy for anyone as it breeds the fear and suspicion that the Dali Lama notes is an obstacle to inner peace.

My family extends out to my sister and my mom. We were the three amigos when my mom was

brave enough to leave an emotionally abusive husband when Ceilidh and I were three. We went through a lot together and while there were times when our triad didn't feel very stable we knew we could count on each other. Happily I think the competition and frustrations have been worked through to the point where we just accept each other as we are.

In my twenties and thirties friends were something that just seemed like so much work. But then I worked on Canada@150 and realized how great it was to have people in your life who were passionate and interesting and kind, and I have slowly been expanding my circle. Being an introvert is still is nothing like my moms or my sisters but it exists and I have made some friends for life in Grenada. I also got really lucky in having some amazing women in my workplace who, now that I am sooooo done with acting assignments, I can finally call friends.

So I spent my fortieth birthday at my awesome job; I got to talk to my mom, and text my sister (who was in Spain!) and then spent the evening at a lovely restaurant with a new friend Mr. Campbell. Yup life is good!


Mr Campbell and his daughter the chef at Le Phare Bleu

Do Nothing Day

Today I got to play "tourist" and just enjoy a day of doing nothing!

Me in front of the spa in a new dress my mom gave me

My sister bought me a massage at a beautiful hotel (The Spice Island Resort) on Grand Anse Beach. It was soooo relaxing.

The Chickungunya has moved from my shoulders and wrists to my knees and ankles so it was great to have someone work on my sore body.

Then I used the sauna which was just a titch warmer than the day. It is a private sauna so you can really relax. There was an outdoor shower with those giant shower heads. It was so lovely.

Brent got me at noon and I went home to have a ham and cheese sandwich.. This a huge treat as cheese is really hard to find and is always imported from New Zealand. Owen had made chocolate cupcakes for me which were just coming out of the oven when I got home.

Our neighbour Meena had invited us along for a sunset cruise on the big cat at 4:00 p.m. so I went to have a siesta before the cruise. I had a lovely nap with the rain pouring down on our metal roof, so I didn't think that we would be going but at 3:30 the skies cleared we raced down to Umbrellas to meet the ship.

The cruise was great, The Captain was a Seneca grad like me, and has a business diploma but wasn't able to find a job in his field because of his dreadlocks. He is such a lovely person, well spoken and very respectful, it is so unfortunate that some people can't see past his hair.

Below are some of my favourite photos of the sunset cruise.



Captain Aiden



Captain Owen