You don't know what you don't know

When I was in Canada working as a Learning Advisor I was always advocating new course concepts. The usual reply I would get back was "Sara no one is asking for this!" My argument was always the same -- you don't know to ask for what you don't know exists.

I will use an example Owen would love. No one in Grenada knows what poutine is so no one thinks that they might like French fries, gravy and cheese. Once you introduce something new people can decide for themselves if it is what they want or need.

In the same way I saw this all the time in our leadership training, I see it in the educational system here. You don't know what you don't know. This week Aiden came home upset because his favourite teacher had hit a child with a belt- numerous times. The child had hit a girl and the teacher wanted to correct this. So what does that teacher do? He pulls out the only discipline tool that he has and uses it. He doesn't know that there are other ways to correct students behaviour, he has never been exposed to it and therefore he doing what he knows.

Of course in Canada if you hit a child today with a belt you would be arrested and lose your job. But we need to remember that it was within my lifetime (the last 30 years) where teachers hit students to "correct" them. In fact my best friend from public school vividly remembers being asked a math question with the teacher holding my pony tail and a pair of scissors. If she got it wrong he was going to cut my hair. She later (when we were adults) told me how terrified she was to get the answer wrong and it created a sense of terror for her in working in mathematics. So it wasn't so long ago that we  too were subjecting children to environments where they didn't feel safe and therefore couldn't learn.

I have always loved Maya Angelou's quote “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” So many of the challenges that face Grenada fall into the doing the best they can category, but with no one coming along to help them do better. I really believe in Cuso's approach to sending people not things or money because it is the exposure to new ideas that helps people move into a doing better mode.

Right now there is a program operating in Grenada called Conscious Discipline which is aimed at exactly this issue. Until you give people new tools for working with children they are going to use the old tools. What I really like about this program is that works on the adults first- because really if we aren't in control of our emotions, how do we expect children to be in control of theirs? Last week  they showed this amazing video of a mom interacting with her infant and how they mirror each other emotions. This dramatic real example of how, what I am doing impacts your inner state of being should be a wake-up call to all of us.

Apart from showing us that we are going to have a big emotional impact on those we come in contact with, it also should highlight for us that when someone comes at us in "a mood" they are going to change our inner state. Our challenge becomes how to maintain our composure when someone is pushing our buttons.

I am reading a quirky book called "Fitting In Is Overrated".  The author had an interesting suggestion for when your micromanaging, egomaniac, emotionally devoid manager/co-worker/parent/sibling/friend comes at you. He suggests taking a deep breath (always a good idea) and imagining this is a real time simulation in the Masters level course you are taking in being gracious under pressure. Clearly as a Learning Advisor this appeals to me. The reality is you will never change these people, but you can choose to learn from your interactions with them.

Another suggestion he had was to imagine the things they say all the time to make you feel less. Then when they do use that phrase you will see it less as an affront to you but more of an victory for you. I knew s/he would go there.... oh and look they just did. I have one person in my life who is constantly "surprised". Their "surprise" used to get me really angry, mainly because it is passive aggressive and dishonest, but now I see it as an expected outcome that can be predicted so I am never "surprised".

I also realize that people who are trying to make you feel small, whether that be a teacher who uses angry tirades or a co-worker who ignores you or whoever, have serious issues with their own self esteem. Your job is not to let them drag your self esteem down to their level.

Buy the soap

Vendors outside the cruise ship mall

Every year hundreds of thousands of tourists visit Grenada for a vacation. These vacations range from ultra luxurious like Sandal's, quick visits on a cruise ship, to homestays around the island. Each week I inevitably get caught up  with some of these tourists coming off from the cruise ships as I walk to meet Brent after work. I get the calls to come over to look at the vendors wears, until they realize it is me and then I just get a little wave. But it is hard to get the attention of the tourists so I understand why anyone who is white gets asked to look.

Tourism is supposed to be a major economic driver and it is if you own a hotel, boat tour company or an air conditioned store. But what I hear from street vendors is that the tourists just don't spend money. The visitors want to see the spice market but they don't want to buy from it. It is so discouraging because whether someone buys allspice or cinnamon that day means the difference between having rice or meat on the table for a family.

Spice Market (outdoor)

The outdoor vendors at the market will arrive at between 2-4 a.m. to set up their tables, fruits, vegetables and homemade soaps and sauces. They will pack up by 5:00 p.m. and take a long ride back home, getting in between 6:00 and 7:00 p.m. Indoor vendors fair a little better because they can lock their stalls and don't have to bring their supplies every day. But they would still be at the market by 6:00 a.m. getting ready for the day. That means you have a minimum 12 hour day every day but Sunday.

When you travel to a foreign country that is economically depressed, please think about budgeting into your trip $50-$100 for souvenirs to give away as Christmas gifts. Realistically you just spent a minimum of $800 on the trip, adding $50 isn't too much for you but it is a lot of money for the nationals of the country you are visiting.

If you want to buy something "authentic" I recommend the following: buy the hand made soaps! You know that it was made locally, you can always import it and you know you are supporting the local economy not some giant nameless company. So what if the soap costs $5 and you could get one back home for $3? When you are at home shop for best value for money but when you are in an impoverished country this doesn't make any sense. The point is when you buy their soap you are directly contributing to someone's livelihood and giving back a little bit to the country that is hosting you.

Other authentic gifts in Grenada are:

• Spice necklaces which are air fresheners
• Spices from vendors
• Giant cinnamon sticks
• Calabash bowls
• Nutmed (a locally produced remedy for aches and pains)
• Grenadian chocolate

Making soap at Arawak Islands

If at all possible buy a trinket or a juice from a child. You can bet that a child would rather be playing, the fact they are helping their mom or dad at the market or the beach says the family can't afford the luxury of having the children playing. Your purchase of a juice means they will get home sooner so they can be a kid.

I have definitely been the person who was oblivious to the world around me on vacation. It is way nicer to drink Margaritas by the pool and bask in the heat than be confronted with poverty.  But it is out there, just beyond the gate and you can help ease it on an individual basis.

Buy the soap.